Hello Tabitha! I thought that your short was a fresh take on subject that could be over used. From the creativity standpoint, you did a fantastic job in thinking of an interesting story line. There were a few things throughout your script that I thought could have been done differently. I adored how much you could see that the husband genuinely loved Judy, but I felt as if the dialogue was a little too forced and repetitive. Maybe if you made the conversation seem more organic and natural, their relationship would flow together perfectly. Also, I realize that it is difficult to nail emotions on the head, your script needed more of the emotional responses of the characters. Your film would be much more poignant if you were able to portray the exasperated worry of the husband and the confusion/sadness/worry of the wife. If these emotions were read on the faces of the actors, the film would be so incredibly more touching to the viewer.
One more thing that I wish had been done differently was the inclusion of the children. Because you just mentioned them, I barely even remembered she had children. Maybe you should include them into a flashback or had them visiting her in the hospital room. The emotional struggle of Judy would be infinitely more difficult if she had children. I believe their role in this short is important, but your execution of their existence could be improved.
All in all, this is a very great start!
Hey guys. I’m posting this so everyone can reblog and critique me or whatever. If you don’t remember which one is mine, it was the one about the woman who is married but falls in love with a man she met in a dream, and he ends up being the one who hit her in the car accident, but she still loves him. Critique away!
