Hello Daniel!
Your short is off to a good start! It was funny at times and touching at others. The inclusion of your car was genius. I couldn’t have thought of a better car myself.
There were a few things that could be done slightly differently to add more realism to your story. I felt as though the conversation between the old man and Riley was not as profound as it could have been. I don’t think a seventeen year old boy would seem as clueless regarding his beliefs on religion. Usually by that age, you have a firm sense of seeing what everybody else believes in and being able to formulate your own opinions. I would even see a non-believer scoffing at what the old man was saying to him. If you tone down the obviousness of the conversation and allow the boy to truly grasp what happened and what the old man is saying to him, the conversation would come across better. Also, I think it would benefit if the old man were more touched and was more emotional about the boy’s voluntary kindness. I am a firm believer that charging your characters up with emotions will always get the point across better.
That is my largest criticism. Reworking the car scene and conversation could tremendously better your film. I also agree that the voiceover can be nixed. It is not necessary because we can understand what Riley is doing.
